17. A Dash of Cologne and a Well Placed Smile

I've always wondered how superstars can get away with all the things they do. Have you ever wondered how an actor can go and recklessly destroy thousands of dollars of property without facing any real consequences? I have and to be honest it bugs me. If I so much as say something out of place it will land me in trouble. How do they do it.

The only solution is their innate charm and some really good smelling cologne. I am more likely to forgive someone who looks and smells good before someone else. Another plus is the award winning smile that all movie stars seem to possess. Somehow seeing pearly whites just makes me feel good. Anyhow when all of these things are combined they seem to have a way of letting someone do anything. I have seen people get permission to do the most insane things just because they were amiable. I thought it was so cool I tried to use this amazing charm on people. Lets just say it didn't work out the way I wanted to. I think another thing that helps with this is the ability to lie. I definitely can't do that very well so I just tell the truth. I actually think it is better that way since it keeps really awkward things from happening later.

In the end I think it is just best if I stick to the things that don't require luck and smiles to keep me from getting burned. If I remain an honest and really straight forward guy I will end up with all I ever wanted.

16. The Joy that Keeps on Giving

I love to write as some of you may know and I really do enjoy reading something that I feel is new or has something to add to something that I thought I knew a lot about. I have read very many books and I still find new things when I read new novels. I can't seem to get enough of them. There are so many ways that someone can tell a story. For example Michael Crichton uses a form of first person narrative in "Eaters of the Dead" that resembles a journal. It stays easy reading because he keeps it in a single point of view. Bram Stoker uses a similar form of narrative however he uses multiple points of view to establish his story. Bram Stoker's narrative then becomes hopelessly confusing and difficult to follow. However to give him credit he did write on the very cutting edge for his time.

I guess the most classic form of literature that I find in the market is the third person narrative. That is the narrator witnesses everything and doesn't get personally involved. By that i mean he doesn't ever see directly through the eyes of the characters. He just seems to watch them from above. This can be seen in "Ender's Game," " The Hobbit," "The Eyes of the Dragon," and many other books.

Other rare mediums of storytelling include historical setting, short story compilation, and documentary. But I've seen that most authors stick to the mediums that sel the best. That is they stick to things that people are used to.

A perfect example of this is "Twilight." Stephanie Meyer doesn't try to write in an unknown style. She writes in the style that is selling the most right now. First person narrative. It is told through the eyes of Bella and she becomes the narrator of her own story. Other books that are coming out that sell using this format are "The Immortals" series by Alyson Noel and the "Jumper" series by Steven Gould and "The Hunger Games" by Suzette Collins. All are told up close and personal as if the main character said and did everything while writing it down.

This kind of writing makes it possible for the writer to write at a more personal and emotional level. Unfortunately it limits the author to a single view point. Things can't be looked at globally. The author in essence writes himself into a spot where he knows what is going on but his character hasn't put everything together and so he can't tell you. I personally think that mysteries are much easier to write this way.

In the end there are a million ways that a story can be told. Neither one is better than the other. That all depends on the writer.

15. The Best of Thanksgiving Times Two

Many people on the holidays find time to get together with family and eat a large turkey dinner that generally makes them want to fall asleep. It is the magic of the holiday. It is a singular event that doesn't repeat itself until a year later. Being that I live half way across the globe from my family I get to crash other people's big meals. I love big festivities and sensational dinners. They always make you feel like you belong to a group of something bigger than yourself. That is probably what I like most about the holidays. I remember that there is more to life than me and my own little world I create through books and movies. There are people out there in the world that actually care about me enough to spend time and ignore my obvious character flaws.

I have to admit though I try to keep it a secret, I am a horrible conversationalist. I tend to talk about the most boring subjects in the world and the things I find funny aren't really all that funny in any sense of the word. I kid you not I could be watching a movie and see a very sad part where someone dies and it is supposed to be very tragic, but I laugh. I'll see the lead actress fake tears and it seems like she's laughing or something. I then imagine in my head that she is really thinking "OK, just five more tears and I win 5 million dollars." I for some reason find that hilarious.

I will admit there are times when I am capable of crying at the movies. It just so happens that the last time I cried while watching a movie I was watching the Green Mile. I think I had just turned thirteen. Sometimes I lie about crying at movies just so people don't think I'm some kind of heartless monster. The thing is I just can't translate the movie into reality. I see it for what it is "Fiction." What I see generally is a group of entertainers taking to the stage to please people and make off with millions of dollars. Even when it ends up being a violent movie. I don't see real people dying I see a group of revolutionary filmmakers finding ways to simulate blood flow with a life sized doll. The times when I am most moved by film are the times when it can relate directly to my life.

Maybe that is why I love chick flicks so much. They all have something I can relate to in my life. Romance. Not to burst the bubble on all the guys who like action movies but when was the last time you found yourself surrounded by an armada of mercenary soldiers bent on world destruction but trying to kill you first? I love action flicks but they just don't hit me in any way as real. The only exception is when I read a book that gets turned into a movie. That is when my emotions get all worked up. I absolutely hate it when people take a wonderful idea and simply ruin it.

One of my all time favorite books to read is "The Last of the Breed" by Louis La'mour. It is one of two novels he wrote that doesn't fit in with his normal genre. It is an action classic. The characters are vivid and they make you want to keep reading. Unfortunately this book was made into a horribly done film. "Behind Enemy Lines" takes the basic elements of this story and does a horrible job of piecing them together. I watched it with my friend when it came out to theaters and we both instantly recognized it for what it was. We both agreed that it did not do justice to the story at all. However the thing that annoyed me the most was the lack of Credit given to Louis La'mour for his story. I don't care if he died years ago. It is still his story and he should get the credit for it.

That is a really random tangent which goes to show that people really must love me a lot of they can even follow a conversation like that without telling me how disturbingly weird I am. This year I went to two different dinners and had an absolute blast. I love the holidays and getting to spend it with others.

14. Speechless

OK I don't know if any of you ever feel like this but whenever I'm trying to impress someone I feel like I never say the right thing. I feel like I just screw everything up and say everything wrong. For example I can ramble on all day about books I've read and about the different things I am interested in studying but when it comes down to deeply personal things I choke. I think I try to impress people too much or maybe I try too hard. For example the other day I was talking to a girl I wanted to impress and I started talking about different books I'd read. Who in their right mind ever talks about Billy Bud in normal conversation? I don't think that anyone ever talks about that unless their a super nerd which I apparently am. I always thought that I was just a regular guy that just happened to be smart but recently I think I've crossed into the realm of really nerdy.

Anyhow this doesn't really help with the fact that I still have the tendency to freeze up when it comes to talking to girls I really like. Maybe this problem isn't merely limited to me. I was talking to my roommate and it seems that every time he tries to talk to the girl he likes he seems to freeze up. He is a very social guy that doesn't have the nerd problem but he still has the "I don't know what to say issue." Maybe it is a sad defect of the Y chromosome. We really don't know how to please our unfortunate halves. Then again I can think of plenty of guys that definitely know how to please their other halves so maybe it deals with the fact that I'm just plain weird. I came to grips with that years ago. I just never thought that it would ever come back to haunt me or give me problems.

At least I don't find myself asking what her favorite ring size is or what her ideal family size would be. I think that would be downright tacky. Then again I tend to be tacky sometimes.

13. What Happens Now?

OK so this is a really rough draft. I would appreciate your comments I need to do a lot of deletions and get rid of unnecessary details. At the same time some things are under described and deserve more time. I want you to help me know what to do with that and see what things you guys liked. Right now I'm at six pages so there is plenty of room for deletion mostly. I hope you can kind of make sens of what I wrote. It does mean something I hope you can spot it out. If you cant just let me know so I can maybe make things clearer. Thanks, you guys are the greatest.

What Happens Now?

Agent Sharpe peered down the dark corridor. He could barely see anything in the flickering light that only revealed glimpses of what was to come. Step by step he crept into the darkness. He had to find her before anything bad happened to her. She was at the end of this hallway. He just knew it. She was everything. He could never forgive himself if anything happened to her.

I absolutely loved the way Rose threw her hair behind her back and stared into my eyes. Her hair was a fiery red, and every time she did that her perfume would wash over and drown out everything. She just had a way of making me forget about all the stress and depressing things associated with college life. She was always there for me. I can’t think of anyone that made me feel quite like that. Rose and I were just sitting on the steps outside the dorm just as usual. It was a place that offered a little more privacy than most places in my apartment. I just felt more comfortable holding her in my arms knowing that my roommates weren’t watching our every move. I gently moved in and pressed my lips softly on her cheek. In the November air, her skin burned against mine. She was so warm and soft! I leaned back and she stared at me with those bright green eyes. It was one of those moments that seemed to last for an eternity. “What are you thinking about?” She asked it so innocently. There were a million things on my mind. More than anything though I just wanted to tell her how much I loved her. “I….” What if she wasn’t ready for this? What if she thought it was too soon? This would make or break our relationship. “You what? What are you trying to say?” I started sweating. I couldn’t do it. She was on to me. She knew exactly what I was trying to say. I looked away over to the left. Despite the awkwardness of the moment, she moved in a little closer and held on to me tighter. Maybe it won’t be so bad. “Rose, I lo…” This time my cell phone interrupted me. “Hold on just one sec.” I pulled out my phone and answered it. Normally I wouldn’t even acknowledge my phone, but I was expecting a call. I answered it. “Hey, Bri how’s it goin’?” My dad always shortened my name when he was talking to me. “Wait! You’re name isn’t Sean?” She practically screamed it in my ear. By the time I turned my head around to see what was going on, she was already on her feet. The look in her eyes told it all. “Hey Dad, can I call you back?” It wasn’t really so much of a question at this point. “Sure son. Call me back soon though.” I barely had time to put the phone in my pocket before I had more things on my mind. “I thought your name was Sean. Why did you lie to me?” She was hurt. The tremor in her voice made that point very clear. “Sean is my middle name. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” All I got was a blank stare. “Rose, I love you. Please, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” There were already tears streaming down the sides of her face. “I’m going to have to think about this.” She took a step back. “Rose, please don’t go.” She took another step. “I really have to think about this. I’ll give you a call.” With that she just walked away. I think I heard her start to cry before she reached the bottom of the stairs. She must have felt betrayed. I hurt her and I didn’t even mean to. How did everything get so complicated? Why didn’t I just tell her who I was right from the start? I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone again. It was going to be a very long night.

In the middle of the Mojave Desert, it rarely snows. The entire first grade got the day off because of the snow storm. It lasted just a few minutes and there was barely enough snow to make a snowball, but we spent every single minute outside enjoying it. Muddy orange snowballs streaked up and down the sidewalk and all the other children shrieked with joy as snowballs crashed everywhere. Before too long, the sun came out and the temperature started to rise again. All of the snow melted and kids started to go inside to get cleaned up and have a cup of hot chocolate. I personally loved apple cider much better than hot chocolate. It just had a nice sweet and tangy taste that I couldn’t find in hot chocolate. When I walked inside to my house I could already smell the aroma of hot apple cider in our home. “Hey Mum, I’m back!” I said it with that kind of excitement that only a first grader could muster. I must have been positively beaming because my mother came into the room with a large smile that was so enchanting and said with the calmest voice in the world, “Well it looks like you had fun.” I went and gave my mom the biggest hug I could. It was when I let go that I saw it sitting on the coffee table. My journal was sitting next to her crochet needles and opened up to the second page. “What is that doing there?” I still hadn’t put two and two together. “Well, I was cleaning your room and I found that lying on the floor.” About that time was when it started to click for me. “I read some very nice stories in there. You’re such a great writer.” I completely forgot about the cider “Why did you read that? It says on the front that it is my journal. I didn’t want people to read that. It was for me.” “Honey,” she said it so soothingly, “there are some wonderful stories in there. I loved the one about the dog and the scientist.” That one was a bit too much for me to take. I was still working on that story it was going to be my masterpiece. I hated it when people saw my unfinished works. Even when I was finger painting I hated it if someone looked over my shoulder. Why would she read that? I started to choke up. I didn’t want her to read those stories anymore. I ran and grabbed my journal off the table. She tried to calm me down and stop me, but I wasn’t listening at this point. I tore up the stairs and locked myself in my room. She banged on the door but I didn’t listen. I opened my journal and looked at the first story “Captain Lizard and the Evil Mouse King.” I flipped over to the last one “The Scientist’s Dog.” My mom had read all of them. They were my own personal stories. No one was supposed to read them except for me. I took the first page and started ripping.

Parker threw open the door to his safe. The authorities would be getting there soon. He had to destroy all the evidence. All of the plans and designs had to be destroyed. He rushed out to the garage and grabbed a gas can. Nobody was going to get anything from him. He put all of the papers inside his fireplace and started dousing it with gasoline. Men in black suits started to run up to the house. There was a loud beating on the door. But they were too late. Parker lit a match and threw it in. All they could do now was watch it burn.

I walked into Taco Bell and sat down. I wasn’t quite ready to order yet. It had been a long day and I was just looking to relax and get something good to eat. It was really crowded and there weren’t many open tables. I hadn’t been sitting very long when a girl my age came up to me. “Can I sit here?” I really didn’t know what to say. “Yeah, sure.” It must have come out kind of strange because she just gave me a puzzled look. “Are you British?” I hadn’t planned it but what was I going to lose. “Yeah, I’m just down here for school. Hi my name’s Gary.” I said it with my best British accent. I didn’t feel too bad that I was lying to this girl. In all reality I’d probably never see her again. She just seemed so thrilled to meet a foreign person. “That is so cool I love your accent.” OK so I had to be careful that she wouldn’t try to give me her phone number or anything. Would that be all that bad though? It sure would make for a great story. “So what’s your name I don’t know that I asked you yet?” She seemed thrilled that a foreigner would give her the time of day. “I’m Tiffany.” She almost died with enthusiasm and thrust her little hand to shake mine. I just took her hand in mine and shook it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Tiffany.”

It was another lonely birthday. I just happen to have the misfortune of having my birthday in the middle of summer. For any other kid that means they don’t have to go to school on their birthday. For me that means I have to move right before my birthday. I’ve spent many of my birthdays in hotels or on the road. This one was no different. We were going to another town in Germany. I just barely figured out who all of my friends were. What was going to happen now? Who would I meet and what would I tell them? My parents were generally pretty good about getting a cake and some presents for my birthday. We had a small party as usual and I went out and tried to find new friends. What was I going to be this time? An athlete? A nerd? After my party I walked out into the street to see if there were any kids my age playing or doing anything. I wanted to find someone I could at least talk to. That is when I met Rob. Rob liked to play basketball but his parents grounded him from going outside because he had bad grades in math. Every day he had to do a sheet of problems before he could go and play with other kids. Basically I had the perfect option to be the nerd.

I felt ridiculous dressed up like a vampire. I don’t care if it’s Halloween; I still felt ridiculous. After a while, I took off my cape and just walked around in my regular clothes. That’s when I saw this beautiful girl dancing in the middle of the dance floor. I just wanted to go up and talk to her but I was just a little bit too shy to start up a conversation. I waited until the next slow dance and went up to ask her. “Would you like to dance?” I forget what it was really that we talked about. But before the end of the night she gave me her number on a napkin. “I don’t really give out my number all that much so take that for what it’s worth.” And with that she left. We went out the next weekend and to be honest I was so nervous. I just didn’t know what to say most of the time. I mean what do I tell her most of the time. “Where did you grow up?” Well I grew up in eleven places all across the U.S. and the world. “I grew up in Kansas.” “What do you like to do?” I like to impersonate people and pretend that I’m a foreigner when I’m shopping, apart from that I love to go to house parties play sports and read books. “I love hanging out with friends, playing sports and reading books.” Almost everything was there. What else do I tell her about me? Should I really be letting her in like this? What happens now?

Agent Sharpe had his weapon drawn long before he got to the end of the corridor. There Parker was. The man who started it all. There was just one hitch to the whole thing. He had her by the throat. Agent Sharpe wasn’t going to let himself make the same mistake as last time. He wasn’t going to be the one to hurt her again. “Parker just let the girl go and we’ll just walk away.” Parker just shook his head and tightened his grip on the girl. “She’s not going anywhere with you.” Sharpe took a step forward. “It seems like we have a little standoff happening here. How’s it going to end Parker? What’s next?” Parker just stared at him with a blank expression.

To be honest I have no idea how it ends. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

12. Angry Omelets

OK, for a few years now my sister has raged about how the hospital next to where I live cooks the best omelets every Monday night. She has been going since 2002. Anyhow today was the last day they were going to do it for the year. They apparently don't do it during the month of December. I had never been and my sister though that it was the perfect time for me to be inaugurated into the tradition. I had absolutely no idea that this would be much more than just a simple dinner.

My sister and her friend love to heckle the chef and he lovingly shouted back at them. I didn't know that this was their tradition and that he practically yells at everyone. That was apparently the allure of omelet night, to get yelled at by omelet man. I will admit despite his "anger" he was hilarious. It took me a while before I realized that the man actually wasn't angry he just did it for a show. Then I started laughing.

Most of his comments were directed at couples. He would specifically target the guys and make them know that they were whipped or that they were better looking than the other guy that came through with their girl the last time. I apparently was too slow in choosing what went into my omelet.

I have never been to something quite like this before. I have to admit that I really did have a fun time and the food was excellent. I just have to think of something that I can say back next time.

11. Things That Sneak Up On You

My brother used to tell me that I was the most gullible person on the planet. Sometimes I think He might have been on to something. I really do fall for things super easy. One time a friend of mine had a crush on the same girl I liked. I told him that I really liked her and that I was planning on asking her out. I just hadn't gotten the courage to do it yet. I sat down next to her at lunch and started talking to her. I just didn't have it in me to ask her out. Anyhow my friend came and told me that some of my friends needed help with something really quick and that it was urgent. We started to walk away. I told Kelly bye and kept going. Halfway to our destination, my friend said he forgot something but that he would catch up really quick. I went on and made it to where he said everyone would be waiting for me. There was nobody there. I really didn't know what was going on. Pete never came. I was confused but thought that maybe some guys were looking for me somewhere else so I started to wander around a little bit. I couldn't find anybody. Since I only had about 10 minutes left in my lunch period I just sat down ate the rest of my lunch and went to class. That's when I found out what had happened. Pete went behind my back and asked her out. Sadly, she said yes. He also spread all sorts of bad rumors about me. I felt really devastated and didn't know what to do. It just caught me by surprise. It came when I least expected it.

There are a few things that happen to be like that. For example pop quizzes just come out of nowhere. I don't know of a single person that likes a pop quiz. Simply put they are evil. but not all random things are evil. Take snowball fights for example. They are fun and more often than not completely spontaneous. Today there was a girl that told me that she wanted to go out on another date with me. First off, I thought I had screwed everything up to begin with and second off who really gets a second chance. I usually don't, but there it was. I don't know what is going to happen but I am pretty excited and hope that this turns out. Not everything that sneaks up on you is bad. Sometimes the thing that comes out of nowhere can be your ticket to a better place where you don't have to be stuck in the slow lane.